There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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