Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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