he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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