Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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