we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
