I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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