Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
