y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
