I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
