i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
