YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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