we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He passed out mid-signature
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
