we have officially lost it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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