If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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