he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
