Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
