No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
