some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
