walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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