Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
