There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
