If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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