I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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