Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
