I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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