..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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