I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
