she woke up with a sticky ear
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
