i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
