Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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