Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
