He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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