the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
