It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
