Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
