I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
