i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
