Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
