marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
