we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
