i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
