I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
