So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
MIDGETS
????
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
