we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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