Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
did i walk over a car last night?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
