Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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