My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Small penises have feelings too.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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