i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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