just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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