i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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