I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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