Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
