I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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