the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I understand Curling. That high.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
